Help for When It Hurts

It helps to acknowledge that something terrible has happened. Our sense of normal is shattered. The unexpected has occurred. And life will NOT be the same.

It's important to find safe places to talk about how we feel. When we try to hide our pain, it eats away inside of us. Pain can be a good thing. When we break a leg, the pain tells us we should do something about it. Grief pain is not so easy to see, but it is real! We need to find places to express that pain, or to talk about how we feel. How?

• talking to a counselor or pastor or family member
• writing a journal expressing what we are feeling
• talking to a friend who understands
• find or create a support group among your peers where you can talk about what has happened
• make a scrapbook with momentos, newspaper articles, pictures, keepsakes

How do I deal with anger?

Anger is a normal emotion, often felt when we are grieving. We might feel angry at the person who died, or at someone we think helped to cause the death. We might feel angry with God. We might even feel angry with ourselves. We need to find safe places to vent our anger -

• without hurting ourselves or others
• without hurting or damaging property or things
• physical activity helps, a run, or working out
• talking it out with someone who understands
• avoiding alcohol or drugs

What if I feel guilty?

There are a lot of questions that could start with 'What IF'? Those questions are uncomfortable and upsetting. We can't change the past, or what has happened. Sometimes we have to make a difference between what we could have done, and what we had no control of. What we had no control over, we have to let go. If there are things we could have done differently, it can help to write a letter and write down how we wish things could have been. And then the most important thing is to forgive - ourselves and others. That is not always easy. But it is an important step for moving on.

I don't want to forget the person who died. What do I do when it seems life just goes on as before?

• Create a scrapbook of memories.
• Light a candle on special days and anniversaries. Invite others to join you.
• Create a memorial. You could send a picture and some memories to the memorial page on this site. Or you could raise funds to plant a tree, place a park bench or some other visible reminder.

It is important to remember that we all grieve differently. What is important that we don't stuff the grieving process in, but find ways to express how we feel.

If you need someone to talk to, feel free to e-mail us: