Left Ventricle Made of Concrete

They say that I should cry; let it all out.
But crying only makes me weak.
They say that I shouldn't hide my feelings; let myself go.
But that only makes me vulnerable.
They say that I'm all angry inside; that hate is eating my soul.
Well, that's my problem, not yours. Keep out.
They say that I need help; that I need to heal.
Well, that's my decision, and my life. Mind your own.
I guess I've built thick walls around my heart,
So that no one can come in, or even peek inside.
Because, I guess, deep down, I really am weak. Very weak.
And deep down, I am vulnerable. Very vulnerable.
But I don't want to be weak or vulnerable,
I want to be strong and proud, even if it is just a front.
And so, I suppose that's why I have a heart of stone;
A left ventricle made of concrete.
I Miss You, Dad

-Written by Karen L., just months after her dad died. The concrete has softened....she has allowed herself to feel again... Please do not reprint this poem without permission.

Ballad of A Railroad Conductor

Usually at night 
In the snowy moonlight
Through rain, sleet and snow 
He would go, 
On the old S.P. 
In my thoughts close to me

While traveling down the track 
On wet, slippery rails going clickity clack, 
Where’s the next signal, he’d like to know, 
In this blizzard of snow
Suddenly, over the engine’s roaring
SNAP!! Psh, sh, sh, sh sh sh! 

A loud sound in his ears, 
A broken brake hose he hears
Oh! No! A hose must have been dragging
And definitely snagging!
The brake hose had hit a very high drift
Right off the rails now the wheels might lift

Stopping the train as the brake hoses lost air 
The engineer gravely looked out with a glare
So out he would throw in blind, drifting snow
Equipment he’d need
To repair this great deed
And down the ladder he’d lead

Where blowing icicles and sleet 
He would certainly meet
Hitting his body and his face
Smackity, smack 
Snow and wind at his back
Equipment was now in his pack

As he trudged, SCRUNCH, SCRUNCH 
Trusty lantern, fusees and a wrench
There was never a bench
To rest or retreat
He must make the repair and 
be fast on his feet

Now the train cannot move
While rounding the bend 
Without that air going through
From front clear to the end
All the brakes have set up
Frozen in time like ice in a cup 

Wind through windows and doors
And even through floors
While he keeps trudging back far
From the engine and ladders of each car
The job has to be done and he surely knows
One could get hurt or break toes or a nose.

My admiration and appreciation seems small 
For all those nights awake, working and all
He worked on the trains and now shares many tales
Of the long trips on the hills and the dales
On the Oregon, California and Washington rails

My Grandpa Bryan, the railroad Conductor. October, 2005 By: Byren D. Conforti

Clayton Elmer Griffin...My Grandpa

Grandpa your my life 
I cant stand the fact that I'm loosing you
I need you more than anything in this world
I LOVE YOU!!!!
I know that you're going home to GOD
But I still cant help that I want you
Here on this earth with me and your family
But I'll be okay
I know that your going to be 
My Guardian Angel
That if I need you all I have to do
Is say so
I'll remember all the good times 
I'll remember all the good memories
I promise that I will take care of my sister
And my Grandma
Grandpa, I will see you
In Heaven with GOD
Please watch over me and remember
That I love you and I will never forget you!

TomiAnn Reeder
Copyright © 2006 TomiAnn Reeder

The following poetry is written by NaTasha Hallam: Dedicated to the 5 teens who died in Armstrong, BC, Canada in 1999:

Just For You

Every bird song
Is sung for you
Every tree that bows to the wind
Is bowing just for you
Every drop of rain
Is a tear cried for you
Every person that gets home safe
Is safe because of you
Every ring of laughter
Is a laugh just for you
Every day we live
Is a day we live for you

This poem is for Bob and Bern, we love you and miss you both:

We laughed with the world
And all was right.
We thought we would be here forever
To talk of tonight.
But now we must part
And none of us can help but cry
For you were both too young
To have to die.
Our hearts are broken
But eventually they will mend.
We will someday move on
But even then we will miss our friends.

This poem is for the people that couldn't hold on any longer, especially Trevor:

You Chose to Die
You chose to die
But why?
Every life has its flaws
But yours had more than we saw
It just wasn't meant to be
And that's what we will have to see
We know not
About that shot
That ended your life
And your strife
All we know
Is what you let show
Now we can only cry
And wonder why
You chose to die.

My Brother

My brother passed away at only 20 years old,
My heart cries out but no one hears,
I am screaming inside
I am confused at the same time
What do I do, How do I say Hi
I miss my brother more then life,
I miss the times we did not have,
I want the chance to have a friendship
But I have to wait. I know I will see him another time,
Maybe not tomorrow, Or the day that follows
But one day, we will be together again

Love you Darren From your little sis Nicole

YOU SAID YOU WERE INVINCIBLE BRENT

The following poetry is written by Carrie Smith:

You were hit so hard,
hard is how I cry.
I wanted to see you,
tell you everything.
How I need you in my life,
how I love you so much.
I never got to say that.
I never even got to say good bye.
  
The next day you were gone,
so I did the next best thing.
I told your grave,
I told your brothers.
Bryson broke down,
Jeremiah tried to turn everyone's frowns upside down.

I know you tried to stay,
but why did you leave.
I couldn't go to the burial,
cause i don't want to let go of you,
the memories,
standing up for me,
always being there for me.
Staying up playing pitch in the park,
loving it when you won,
you never lost.
Playing hacky sac till your legs hurt
All the cruising,
all the fun,
the good times.
  
I'll never forget how you cared so much.
How you made everyone laugh.
How you were so full of life.
Knowing all the words to every song,
singing them out loud.
  
I'm sorry I never went along with everything you wanted to do.
You wouldnt' want me to mourn the lose of you,
I did.
You wouldn't want me to be sad,
I am.
You wouldn't want me to cry,
I do and will till I see your smile one last time.
  
Mother nature tood you away from me,
but she is giving you back to me.
I see you smile in the clouds.
I feel your hugs in the wind.
I hear your laugh in the trees.
  
You were strong,
brave,
young,
loved by everyone.
You had so much life in you.
You were an ocean,
now your motionless
You said you were invincible.
Maybe you weren't,
but now you are.

I will forever miss you and love you, but remember Brent you will always be in my heart.

Why did you leave?

also by Carrie

Why did you leave?
also by Carrie
Why did you leave?
I hate you for putting me through this,
but I love you for teaching me somethings.
They say "You don't know what you have till it's gone."
I never believed that.
You taught me it's true.
To value what you have,
not to take it for granted.
To live life to the fullest,
for it soon may end.
Everything I thought I knew.
But the greatest lesson you taught me,
was how to love again.

Why

In loving memory of best friend Jack

Why did you leave
Oh why did you go
Splattered us with grief
And made my heart as cold as snow

Now my life is ruined
But lots of people do not know
the things i had to go through
They never heard of you

Im just the crazy girl
Who everybody likes
A bit down sometimes
Coz you took me with you that night

I saw your tree today
The one that you planted
The one that no one new about
Until the devils wish was granted

And now as i try to move on from you
I really need to say
That you were the greatest buddy
Just why did you go away?

Heaven's Missing Angel

by Robyn White

Your eyes were Heaven,
Your smile was paradise,
That's something I don't have 
to think about twice,
And if you had stayed here then Heaven
would be missing an Angel

In Loving Memory of Alexander (Alex, B) Barnett
December 25, 1987-January 4, 2005