My Angel

Alicia Rix

If I had known I held an Angel in my arms each night, 
I would have rocked a little slower and sang until day light. 

I would have powdered her butt so gently with my most expensive cloth, 
and stayed up all night rocking her without a second thought. 

I would have taken every turn feeding her thru the night, 
and soaked up every smell of her with all my strength and might. 

If I had known an Angel had crawled across our floor, 
I would have gotten on my knees and watched her crawl some more. 

If I had known an Angel's tooth waited for the fairy, 
I would have left all the money her little hands could carry. 

I would have knelt beside her bed as she said her little prayers, 
and listen to her talk to Jesus just like he was there. 

I would have looked a little harder and watched her make believe, 
as she talked to no other and poured her friend some tea. 

Her lunch would been packed with love notes and fun stuff everyday, 
instead of peanut butter and jelly and "got to go or I'll be late". 

If I had known I saw an Angel kick a soccer ball, 
I would have gone to every game and watched her play them all. 

If I had known an Angels tears fell upon my skin, 
I would have found a silver locket to keep them safely in. 

If I had known an Angel was planning to go fishing, 
I would have packed my pole to go instead I'm left here wishing. 

Love, Mom

"Laura Vazquez, forever in my heart"

How horrible that it is
I have to let go
I got to stop thinking
That I could of prevented it
Because I know I couldn't of
There's so many things I should of told you
Wishing that you would just come back
And hold my hand through this
I know it's not possible
Its been 4 years
And yer still in my everyday thoughts
People tell me that I should let go and there's nothing I can do now
But they don't know
They're not me
I know yer not coming back
Yer only here in spirit
But yer still in my heart
And I will never let you go...

For Laura Marie Vazqeuz (Oct 10, 1985- Jan 19, 2000)
by Melissa

The following two poems are in memory of Peri, written by Jordan:

An angel came into our lives disguised as a friend
It kills me to know I won't see her again
Her beautiful eyes or contagious smile
But I know its not forever, just for a while
I miss you so much and its just not the same
But i smile whenever someone says your name
Because of the awesome memories we shared
You were the coolest girl and you were always there
To give the best advice and listen so well and i know your still here with us I can just tell
You are looking down on us, helping us out
And I love you for that cause thats what you were always about
Helping a friend thats what you did best
Whenever someone needed to get something off their chest
I can't believe your gone now and dont think i ever will
When i heard you left this place my heart remained still
You took a piece of my heart, which you will always have
And just know that I love you, and i'm really glad
That  we got the chance to be friends in this short life that you had
It makes me smile and makes me glad
I would not have had it any other way
You were a blessing from God, and now your'e with Him today
He wanted you back because you are the best
He saw that in you just like all of the rest
We miss you so much down here and always will.....
I LOVE YOU PERI
love always until we meet again,
Jordan

This is why i cry:
I feel like a tear drop is tatooed on my face
it makes me feel so different, and looked at out of place
i'm crying on the inside, this pain inside my heart
feeling like this from day to day
its ripping me apart
i just cant seem to understand 
why things would end up this way
it seems so distant, is it only a dream?
but when i wake up it is not.
the reality that i cannot face
having to just let go
a piece of my heart was ripped away
a peice that helped make it whole
to lose someone so quickly 
and not to say goodbye
a door has been left open,
and THIS is why i cry.
the memories that were taken 
before they should have gone
so many things that we would do
this is all so wrong
how can there be truth, in the loss of a good friend
this hurt is always with me
and will be till the end.
not many understand this
and i never want them to try
but only to remember
THIS is why i cry.

i miss u peri....

As I close my eyes to go to sleep
A silent tear falls down my cheek,
I think about the date, the day, 
Three years ago you went away,
My heart is cracked, forever broken,
My pain remains forever unspoken,
As I think about the day, the week,
and slowly cry myself to sleep.

by Natalia

Your birthdays coming soon,
Celebrations drawing near,
A party filled with family,
Drinking dozens of beer,

I know that you will be there,
Watching from your cloud,
Drinking with the rest,
Mingling with the crowd,

Later in the night,
Tears will be freely shed,
As the family start to cry,
For the birthday boy who’s dead,

19 would be your age,
Four years since you left,
Grieving family still in shock,
To many tears are wept,

The accident so sudden,
No good-byes were said,
Pain still strong in my heart,
Confusion intense in my head, 

I know deep down I miss you,
That my tears are full of grief,
But some I cry for happiness,
And some are for relief,

Alive you caused me pain,
Like I’d never felt before,
Stealing something great,
Leaving my heart and soul destroyed,

My innocence was stolen,
With a hand I used to hold,
Strongly in my grip,
I never wanted to let go,

My tiny palm did fit,
Inside your hand just so,
Best cousin you were to me,
I loved you heart and soul,

My trust for you did vanish,
That single day, that single year,
As did my trust for all men,
As I felt the single tear,

Slowly now you’re gone,
I feel stronger on my own,
The hand I once held fast,
I‘m slowly letting go,

For even though it hurt me,
In such and awful way,
You were still my cousin,
I never wanted you to go away,

Memories I carried through,
My tiny palm in yours,
Just wanted to remember,
The times before your loss,

The times we shared together,
Before you hurt me so,
But now I’ll forgive and forget it,
I’m letting your hand go,

So now it is you’re birthday,
And I celebrate with the rest,
For although you hurt me,
You were still my cousin, who I miss,

What you did was unforgivable,
Yet I’ve found it in my heart,
To love the one you were, 
Before you tore my world apart,

Happy birthday my dear cousin,
Hope you enjoy your rest,
I’ll come join you in heaven,
Until then rest in peace.

by Natalia

Billy's story

by Heather Dabbondanza
Urbana High School 2002

Everyone in Urbana Knew Billy Gaines as the "god" of football. Little kids idol worshiped him and wanted to grow up and be like him. He lettered three years in Varsity Football. He was an Honor Roll student, a wonderful son and brother. He had found love. After graduating In 2002, Billy Went on to Continue Playing Football at the University Of Pittsburg. the College football powerhouse. Standing At 5'7 170 pounds Billy cried when the University said they wanted to give him a full ride scholarship for 4 years. During a practice game pre-season Billy broke his foot. Billy was unable to play for a few games. Than Billy and his roommate were staying at this church's vacant convent because their apartment was destroyed by fire.

The day he died, he had lost his wallet. "What else could go wrong? I feel so depressed." These were the last words Billy Gaines said to his fiancé Natalie before he died.

Billy was legally intoxicated at the time of his death. He had worked for the Rev. Henry Krawczyk, the summer before, doing maintenance for the cemetery. Billy and some team mates were having a cookout at 2 a.m. All the boys at the cookout were under the legal drinking age. The only person legal to drink was the Priest Henry Krawczyk. Billy and his team mate were crawling on their hands and knees on a small crawlspace. Police believe that they were trying to find a signature. It was really dark, so Billy and his friend decided to climb back. About half way back his friend heard a loud crash. He looked back and he didn't see Billy.

Billy Had fallen through the ceiling and hit the back of his head on a wooden pew below. His team mates were all to afraid to go near him. His friend Abdul held his head until paramedics got there. Billy died less than 24 hours later. Billy who caught the touchdown pass that won the 2001 Maryland state football championship for Urbana High, suffered severe head trauma after falling 25 feet at Saint Anne Catholic Church, in the Pittsburgh suburb of Homestead. He later died of his injuries and was found to have been drunk at the time of the fall.

The Priest, the only person at the party of legal drinking age subsequently resigned his post and was charged with for furnishing alcohol to minors, reckless endangerment and involuntary manslaughter in Billy's death. Krawczyk has had several scrapes with the law in the past, including an incident in 1986 when he was accused of providing liquor to an 18-year-old. A similar allegation crept up in 1992, the newspaper reported. No criminal charges were ever filed.

Billy was such a nice person. I knew him from the time we were 11 years old. When ever i think of time I had with Billy I wish I could go back and spend more time with him. If I could turn back time I would have been there with him, and would have told him not to drink, not to crawl on the cat walk. Billy had a huge impact on my high school and middle school years. I miss him so much! In the short 19 years Billy lived, he accomplished more than most people do in a lifetime...he had the life that people dream about...Love you Always and Forever Billy!

Michala

A baby that didn't get her full reign, 
Who is now walking down golden lanes. 
A child that didn't live long enough for her first birthday, 
Her name gets harder and harder to say. 
Tears falling down my cheeks, 
As heaven's rain leaks. 
Knowing she is gone, 
Way before dawn. 
I can't believe she is no longer here, 
And when I think of her death I do fear. 
Why did she have to be taken to heaven so soon, 
Where she falls around the moon. 
She is missed in all of our hearts, 
And for some our hearts are now not whole but in parts. 
But we will be with her once again, 
As along as we don't sin. 
So have your hopes, faith, and love, 
So we can be with her holy spirit that flew away like a dove.

Katie Ann Harris

It's been so long,
But I still miss you,
My life's gone on,
But I still miss you.

And even when I'm wrong,
With my heart so heavy,
I remember all the songs,
You wrote in the darkness.

I haven't seen you,
In such A long time,
But now I just wonder,
Would you have ever found the rhyme?

There's never been a website,
Not even A memorial,
To tell about the fight,
That you fought for so long.

We all called you Nana,
You showed us a good time,
But you never said "Wanna?"
You never missed a beat.

You had such talent,
And such a spirit,
For writing the words,
And the music to go with it.

As a matter of fact,
You wrote such poems,
That passed the act,
They didn't need the music.

You were very old,
And I understand,
Your life you had to fold,
And home you had to go.

I haven't seen your house,
Though I doubt it'll be small,
The fence might be golden,
And you house a big mansion.

Never have I seen,
Your true beautiful self,
That you were always so keen,
To have us see instead.

I have one more to say,
"What lies above,
Is nothing to that,
Which lies below.

Holly Triplett, in memory of her great-grandmother

I never had the chance.
I never had the chance to say good-bye.
That night you left so quickly, and to this day I wonder why.
You left a hole that no one else can fill,
I hope no one ever tries, because no one ever will.

I regret the chance I had but did not take.
I mourn all the plans that I did not make.
I dread every morning that I wake,
Because inside I know that I should have been there.

I should have been with you the night you died.
I wasn't there, I didn't know, and now inside I cry.
The world tells me it won't help so just move on,
But the hole has gotten bigger every day since you've been gone.

by Nikki L.

Buckle Up, Uncle John

you were there for me
you never rose your voice
but you slipped through my fingers
on that one lonely night
why couldnt you have wore your seatbelt?

you were a good man
loved your wife and animals
you slipped through their fingers, too,
and right now.........
we are missing you all the more
you used to be that person we could call "our cowboy"
or "our Ford man"
but all that is behind us...
and in your next life, buckle up

sent in by Brian

You Never Said Goodbye

By:Ashley Buttrey

You never said goodbye
Before you had to go.
You never said I love you 
But it always seemed to show

I never cried a tear,
When we laid you in the ground
My heart so full of anger
Because you wouldn’t be around.

So many times I’ve tried to see
Your picture in my mind.
So many memories,
That it’s just to hard to find.

I hated God for what he did
For taking you away.
Not giving me a chance,
To have you one more day.

I wont forget you ever
Not a minute, not a day.
But I wish I could have said goodbye,
Before you passed away.

The following two poems are by Amanda, in memory of her dad:

The day has come
And my dad is gone
Gone, gone away to heaven

He was a good man
Always had a plan
But this plan we didn’t think through

The weekend before
Was the last I saw
My daddy’s face
Before he fell

He patted my leg
To let me know
That it’s okay
And we are good

His end has come
And thank the Lord
That his pain is gone
Amen, Praise the Lord

Amanda R.

The pat on the knee
The nod of his head
The question he asked
And the words that he said.

The after school drive
The words she said
The pain in my heart
And the empty feeling in my body & head.

The burden in my heart
The frustration in my head
The word just won’t come out
And the tears won’t take a rest.

The morning sun rises
The dream of dad in my head
The fantasy of him alive
And him sleeping in bed.

The reality comes back
The light shines in my room
The imagine of his face
Sends in some gloom.

Smile

By: Nicole M

                 The day you died I thought I could never smile 
                  again but as the days go by I begin to think of all
                  the yesterdays we shared. We shared everyday together
                  for 13 years and at times I cant smile because the pain
                  of not having you with me breaks my heart But I sit
                  here and at this moment I can smile and say that my 
                  grandma is at peace. So there are going to be some days
                  when I cant smile or be happy but those days will pass
                  and with there passing comes a smile.

Ben

Ben, of all the guys I ever met,
You're the one I won't forget.
Every moment we ever shared,
I hope you know how much I cared.
You said goodbye, I fell apart,
You took every piece of my heart.
Your memory is mine to keep,
And I know you look down on me as I sleep.
When the going gets tough,
I just close my eyes and remember your touch.
For ever day that goes by,
There’s not one that I don't cry.
But knowing your ok,
Helps me get though each day.
Your love is forever mine,
Always until the end of time.

By Lindzi M.
This poem is dedicated to my boyfriend Ben, who commited suicide at the age of 16. We had been together for a little more than a year. He was my heart and soul, and now he is my angel.

My First True Love

Once in my life
I truly cared for someone.
He was kind, he was sweet; 
We fell in love.

All of my life
I had waited for him;
Waited to find someone
I could wrap myself in.

I needed him,
And he needed me.
We were together;
It was meant to be.

Then one sad day 
He broke my heart,
He took away his love
And my dream fell apart.

He moved on,
And I felt ill,
Waiting and wanting
For him to love me still.

That day never came,
But the day did
That he conquered his depression;
By ending his life instead.

I will love him always,
I will miss him so.
I never thought
That I'd have to let him go.

Elizabeth Shreves

Puddle of tears

by Gaby Legorreta

sometimes i feel like crying
so the world can hear my pain
my heart is trembling 
with the burning desire to hear his voice again
its just a puddle of tears 
where my memories wash away
where the guy i loved left nothing to remember
just a stupid letter
with the picture of the past
an embarassed silence washes over me 
an unsatisfied longing to have you here with me 
my eyes are darkened by the tears that flow 
my mind goes haywire on the thought of never finding you 
its just a puddle of tears 
why'd you have to go?

in memory of david : I love you and I always will

Missing You

By: Ashley Buttrey

Three years have passed,

And still the house seems empty.

The last time I saw you,

You didn’t see me.

When I talked to you,

You did not hear me.

I was dressed in my best clothes

And so were you.

I was crying,

But you seemed to be smiling.

I tried to hide,

While you stayed out in the open.

My heart was beating fast, 

But I was lucky, for yours was not beating at all.

I knew everything would be different,

Everything would change.

Never getting that secret kiss goodbye in the morning.

Never hearing you jingle down the isle at church.

Never saying Daddy or Dad, ever again.

Nothing is the same since you left.

I was so mad.

Mad at you,

Mad at the world,

And mad at God for taking you away.

Was it really your turn?

Fourteen years wasn’t long enough.

It was hard to say goodbye,

Wishing you would magically appear.

Waiting, listening for the front door to announce your presence.

You never came.

But I never gave up.

I try to make you proud

I know you’re watching,

Protecting me from harm.

But one day.

Any day from this moment on,

I could join you.

Be near you again, forever.

But until that day,

My love for you, my father, my angel

Will never disappear.

Let me live each day with your memory in my heart, 

And knowing that I will see you again.

And on that day,

I will talk, and you will hear me

And we will hold hands,

And both be wearing a smile.

My time is standing still

days go by like i never knew they were there. 
everything makes me think of you! 
wondering if you are here or there. 
o how my heart tears.. 
papa, we were best friends, 
and our friendship will never end! 
the leaves are changing, like the grass goes green to white, 
o how i miss you papa, and everytime i sigh, i think of your eyes full of light. 
as the night turns into day, my sun just don't shine 
until i know the day we find each other again. 
i will never be the same until, then!! 
i love you papa!!!

by Nikkilee "halfpint"

Oblivious

by Steven

When will you learn that lesson?
That easy will take life?
When will you gain the common sense?
To tell the harmless from the knife?

The bridge that seemed so far away
would've carried you across hell
Instead you chose to risk it all
And lost it all as well.

Does it make sense to you now, friend?
how foolish you acted, sure
Does it sink in now, friend?
Just how oblivious you were?

no matter now, friend
It doesn't matter, now you've gone to rest
now your with God, friend
You made the decision you thought was best.

The hat you said I could borrow
It meant so much to me
you said to give it to you tomorrow
The day you'd never see

John, I'd never blame you for any of this
God decides when we go, of that I'm sure
But friend, best friend
Can't you see just how oblivious you were?

More Poetry sent in by Steve, songs from his favourite band, Creed:

Inside Us All

When I'm all alone 
And no one else is there 
Waiting by the phone 
To remind me 
I'm still here 
When shadows paint the scenes 
Where spotlights used to fall 
And I'm left wondering 
Is it really worth it all? 
There's a peace inside us all 
Let it be your friend 
It will help you carry on In the end 
There's a peace inside us all 
Life can hold you down 
When you're not looking up 
Can't you hear the sound? 
Hearts beating out loud 
Although the names change 
Inside we're all the same 
Why can't we tear down these walls? 
To show the scars we're covering 
There's a peace 
There's a peace inside us all 
Let it be Oh, can't it be your friend? 

IStand Here With Me

You always reached out to me and
helped me believe
All those memories we share
I will cherish every one of them
The truth of it is there’s a right way to live
And you showed me
So now you live on in the words of a song
You’re a melody

You stand here with me now

Just when fear blinded me 
you taught me to dream
I’ll give you everything I am 
and still fall short of 
What you’ve done for me
In this life that I live 
I hope I can give love unselfishly
I’ve learned the world is bigger than me
You’re my daily dose of reality

You stand here with me now

On and on we sing 
On and on we sing this song

‘Cause you stand here with me 

In The Evening

By: Nicole M

  "In the evening" she said she would have to leave 
           I didn't want to think or even believe 
                  that my Grandma who was so full of life 
                   would leave this world with so much strife 
From the day I was born she gave me so much love
          but know she is living in the Heavens above. 
             We will remember you always from day to day 
                     and remember the night you went away 
So sleep know and rest in peace
                 I love you Grandma with all my heart 
                        and I know in my dreams we will never be apart.

One Year Ago

One year ago you left me, 
For Heaven far above. 
Everyday I love you, 
Everyday I miss you. 
I love you today, 
tomorrow, 
till the day I join you in paradise.

In Loving Memory of my Daddy who died suddenly July 27, 2001 at the age of 42. I was 14 years old when he died.

Deep in my heart

By Kelly Towstick
dedicated to Joseph Michael who died March 26th, 2002

I keep asking myself why did you have to go?
Why did god need you? and leave me all alone
You were the only person who ever cared about me
the only person who ever made me smile carefree
Deep in my heart i know we'll see be together 
Cuz deep in my heart we were meant to see forever
I miss the touch of your soft warm hands, I miss you so much
I never imagined in a million years, how life without you would be so rough
maybe one day we will meet again, and laugh at these times
but until that day i'll sit home in my room and cry
Deep in my heart is where your soul will stay
Deep in my heart I will love you, and pray